When you ask me when the next estate sale is I feel pressure to respond with a date. However, my response of "I'm not sure" raises your doubt and you begin to worry about how I will be able to pay my bills.
You project this on to me with your energy. The crazy thing is, my saying it aloud also makes me worried. Now we are both vibrating at a low frequency, which is not good and feels terrible.
When I say that I'm not doing estate sales anymore but that Raymond is, you follow it up with "Well what are you doing?".
I respond that I am "organizing with women". Immediately I can feel your confusion and your worry. I feel pressure to explain to you what I'm doing and how I am making money so I can pay my bills.
And that is tough.
When you say "Honey, why don't you just go get a job down there with Jamie Hovis the CPA?", I hear that you think his physically seen business is more successful than mine and that you are worried that I am not making money.
And this hurts my feelings because it brings up doubt and worry and it kills my confidence. You are the one that I want on the sideline supporting me and cheering me on, yet you are punching me where it hurts most, my heart.
When you ask me where I've been for lunch and I say "I've been to the country club." You take it as an offense with your usual "well excuse me". You make it sound like I've risen above where I've come and think I am better than you.
It makes me feel selfish, greedy, and gross. Like I've joined the ranks of all the other money loving bastards out there. You add to my old playlist of "Jennifer, let others shine, don't get too big for your britches."
And this makes me afraid to grow too big because my brightness might offend you.
The thing is I love you and I know you don't mean to do these things to harm me, but they do.
I ask you to stop & reframe.
I ask you to believe and trust in me.
I ask that you open your eyes that I too can be big & amazing & still love you and my small town roots.
I'm asking this of you and I will receive the frame.
I'm also loving you out of the way and forgiving you for hurting my feelings.
I wrote this letter to my MawMaw the day after Thanksgiving.
If you have a doubter in your life that keeps you stuffed in your box, then I encourage you to write them a letter as well. You don't have to send it to them (I didn't), but subconsciously they may get the message.
Some of the greatest advice I've ever received is you can love your family right where they are, out of the way of what you are trying to accomplish in this world with God by your side.
It doesn't make them wrong, mean, or bad, but it does make it harder for you to move forward when you feel the doubt of those that you love the most.
Will you accept my challenge for 2019?
Are you willing to let go of what other people think?